“Im not going to sit here and keep dreaming of being a strong black woman, with a strong black man and having beautiful black babies!”


That was the subject and core center of a text message that I received from one of my closest friends the other morning. While reading this text message I chuckled many times because I could hear the frustration in her voice. During the duration of the conversation, I started to think, why is that most “black women” always feel that it is a RIGHT or somewhat of a BLESSING to marry a BLACK MAN?

It dawned on me as I thought for hours back and forth how imminent it is for a black woman to marry a BLACK man. I thought about how that very concept has affected my life. While thinking it hit me, throughout my fantasies, the only man in my dream, as a husband has always been a black man. I later asked myself why? And then I thought, maybe it is just a preference, I love black men therefore nothing is wrong with ThAT. I chuckled at myself when I thought this, because the truth did not fully resonate with that statement.

The truth is that I don’t even give other races a chance. I asked myself why do I always dismiss another race? AND Finally, the headlights went off! I have been conditioned to do so all my life. Whether the messages were subliminal or published, all I have ever heard from people and the walls around me is that you are going to marry a “black man!” That saying has become such a fact of life, that it is an assumptive language.

After analyzing this issue, I spoke to one of my male friends and discussed this topic with him. and his response was that is the same thing for black men, people always say, marry a strong BLACK WOMAN.  I don’t think I ever really empathize with the Black Males position on this topic until he said this to me.

I know as a people, and particularly me being a first generation African American, and anyone in my position can understand, marrying into your culture is engrained in you…the reasons often given is that you all know and understand each other well!

But my question to all Men and women is …when is it okay to step outside of the box? When is it okay to end the fantasy of being a Black Strong Woman/ Black Strong Man, with Black Strong Man/ Black Strong Woman, and beautiful Black Babies?

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3 thoughts on ““Im not going to sit here and keep dreaming of being a strong black woman, with a strong black man and having beautiful black babies!””

  1. Way to quote me Julia! lol
    I’m not going to restrict myself nor am I just going to date solely for the purpose of finding someone who isn’t black.
    I love MEN! I don’t care what color you are. Black women need to open their minds and hearts to something different. If for no other reason, than simply for the fact that they could pass up Mr. Right.
    Ever since I was in tthe 7th grade, people (family & friends) have told me that I’m not going to marry a black man. It never really bothered me until after the few relationships that I’ve had crashed and burned. It followed by relatives telling me, “Girl, no one’s going to marry you,” or “A lot of black men can’t handle a woman like you,” or “You’re going to have to date an older man to get what you need.”
    I don’t know if any of those statements are true, but I will say that I am ready to branch out. Why not? I’m not counting out my black brothers, but I’m putting in a bid for the caucasians, latinos, asians, etc.

  2. Great blog and question Jtellz. Its ok to step outside of the box after life experiences and past relationships have taught you that just because you are “engrained” to marry within your race doesnt mean that its the best thing for you. As a black man ive always been told only a “Black Woman” will hold you down and be by your side forever. Not true. Any woman or man who loves and appreciates you and accepts you for you and devotes themselves to making you happy will hold you down regardless of race.

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